Monty Python quotes

[UDawg]

This is a thread of your favorite Monty Python quotes or favorite movie quotes.

Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues
stun easily, major.



And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

[fishlung]

http://www.minderella.com/words/cheeseshop.htm

:)

[jnd3]

"Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery! .... Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle. .... Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!"

Ni!
JND

[Spectral]

My favorite line from all Monty Python is simply two words...

"MORE WITCHES!!!"

[Uttar]

I can't remember the exact quote, but one of my favorite Monthy Pyton scene is when they discover the French Castle and then ask for hospitality for the night and they'd let his master share the grail with them if he accepts to go with them.

The guard then responds:
"He already got one"

The exact scene, with the reactions and the "Oh, yes, it's very nice" is even better, but this is a really fun moment IMO :)


Uttar

[sytaylor]

/me hallors for vamp he knows more monty python than the average john cleese impersonator

i love the life of brian theres too much good in that to ignore
"what did the romans ever do for us?"

[St Lobus]

I love flying circus, one of the best shows ever created.

"This is how not to be seen."

That's got to be my favorite line and one of my favorite sketches, second only to Silly Management Interview.


Another great show with John Cleese was Fawlty Towers. If any of you haven't seen it and have the chance to do so, do it right away. My favorite line from that has got to be dealing with world war 2. Cleese had mentioned the war to the Germans and wouldn't lay off them.

Germans: Would you cut that out?!?
Cleese: Why? You started it!
Germans: We did not!
Cleese: Yes you did when you invaded Poland!!


Good stuff.

[The Baron]

NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

[fastguy94416]

So, if she weights the same as a duck... then she's made of wood!

[Ryoko]

Originally posted by fastguy94416
So, if she weights the same as a duck... then she's made of wood!

LMAO

middle ages science at its best :D

"bring out the dead!"

"ninepence."

"here's one."

"he's not dead."

"he will be shortly."

"ninepence."

:D

[volt]

"Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again."

"Chapman: Trouble at mill.
Cleveland: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.
Cleveland: Pardon?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.
Cleveland: I don't understand what you're saying.
Chapman: [slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent] One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle.
Cleveland: Well what on earth does that mean?
Chapman: *I* don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition."

(I rather listen to it though, it's much funnier, especially the last passage)

[Serath]

OH! OH!

(Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

"She turned me into a NEWT!"

*double take* "...a newt...?"

"... ... I got better..."

[Darth Rancid]

The "Sheep" episode:

Man from the city: "I say, these are.. eh sheep, aren't they?"

Farmer: "Yes."

Man from the city: "Ah, hehe.. I thought so!.. but... why... are they up in the trees?"

Farmer: "A fair question, one that recently has been much on my mind. It is my concidered opinion, that they are nesting."

That was the piece of dialog that started the whole flying sheep thing....

Then there's allways:

"Wherever bicycles are broken, or menaced by international communism, Bicycle Repairman is ready to strike!"

[Tactics]

Originally posted by fastguy94416
So, if she weights the same as a duck... then she's made of wood!

LMAO I love that one. Also "It's only a flesh wound" LOL that knight standing there at the bridge with both arms cut off.

"They call him Tim"

I think that was name they had for the wizard or that damn rabbit killing everyone, LOL I forget. :D

[vampireuk]

Pregnant woman laid on table: what do I do?

John Cleese: nothing dear your not qualified!

:D

[stncttr908]

"What is your favorite color?" :D

[Blakhart]

Watery tart?

[exar]

It's hard to pick just one, but I'd have to go with this bit from the Dead Parrot Sketch. Rather than rewrite this myself, I copied it from here (http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python/Scripts/TheDeadParrotSketch).

------------------------------------------------------------

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit,
squire? Lovely plumage!
Customer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home,
and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in
the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down,
it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Customer: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts
through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Customer: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased
to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft
of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be
pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off
the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run
down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

[Kruno]

The song: "Every sperm is great". ;) :D