Need xmas gift ideas for my wife. Help!

[Red Dog]

I have no idea what to get my wife for xmas this year.

I need a few good ideas.

I spent $8500.00 dollars on the gift I gave her last year and she never used it once!

im lost for ideas, any good ones?

[nin_fragile14]

What did you get her last year? :eek:

[UDawg]

Originally posted by Red Dog
I have no idea what to get my wife for xmas this year.

I need a few good ideas.

I spent $8500.00 dollars on the gift I gave her last year and she never used it once!

im lost for ideas, any good ones?


Return your wife and use the $8500 gift. ;)
Here's and idea. Do not buy her a gift but take her to a nice bed and breakfast for the weekend when the holidays are over. Trust me this works great for the both of you. Just make sure you have it all paid for and set up so she doesn't have to lift a finger, just sweep her off her feet and get out of town. :D or you could just remind her how much you spent last year and act like it hurt that she never used it.:rolleyes:

[doom]

Originally posted by Red Dog
I spent $8500.00 dollars on the gift I gave her last year and she never used it once!

Could it have been a used 91' toyota?

[Kruno]

Try buying her jewlery, women LOVE jewles. No not those jewles. ;) :P




------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by doom
Could it have been a used 91' toyota?

LMFAO!!!

Girls + Cars = do not mix :D

K.I.L.E.R + girls + men = people becoming blind ;) :D

[fishlung]

Get her a Gamecube with Metroid Prime. That's only around a couple hundred dollars. That way, if she doesn't use it, all the better! :D

[vampireuk]

Get her a new vacuum and tell her until she uses what you got last year this is the best shes gonna get:D

[PsychoSy]

This is a true story - a few years ago, some friends, my lady and I went to a bar and they were having a "Local Comedians" contest among bar patrons. It was insane watching drunk after drunk get up there on the karoke stage and try his or her schtick. My friends kept bugging me, "Dude, you should get up there! Get up there, man!" and I didn't feel confortable about the idea and kept declining. I felt that I'd just be re-hashing old George Carlin material and have nothing of my own to offer. But they kept pressuring me...and I kept declining. Since it was the Christmas season, our conversation turned to what to get and stuff like that. I listened mostly, tanking Rolling Rock after another...then something hit me like a freight train - a revelation! It had me gigling like a girl!

My friends were asking me, "WTF's so damn funny?!?" and I kept chortling. Finally, with enough lager in me, I said, "Do you want me to go up there?" They nodded emphatically. Slamming my beer, I said, "Well then...you folks and the rest of this bar is about to find out what I've been laughing over..." and staggered up to the stage.

After a little setup BS material, I unload with this...



We live in an environment of double-standards and speaking of double standards, this is Christmas time, right? We're all probably chomping at the bit wondering what to get our loved ones. Maybe you're a guy and don't what to get for your girlfriend or wife.

Well...I know what NOT to get her. :o

Think about it this double standard - if your wife doesn't know what to get you, she can always just buy you about $40 worth of sundries like razors, aftershave, socks, underwear, etc. and it's all "no harm no foul", right? We're men and we can never have too many sundries. We go though those things like hotcakes...

But if you try that same method on your wife, let's just say I hope you enjoyed your last wedding anniversary because it probably will be your LAST. Either she'll divorce you, kill you, or both. :eek:

Imagine her opening that nice looking giftwrapped box on Christmas morning, looking at the contents, and then staring at you in wild eyed wonder...it's an expression that isn't shock but more or less it's as if to say to you, "What the $@%! were you thinking?!?" Being the complete nincompoop that we men can be sometimes, we mistake her facial expression, smile and say cheerfully...

"Well...Gee, hunny! I didn't know what to get you so I figured that since you got me sundries last year, I'd return the favor and get you $40 worth of bras, panties, Tampax, Massengill, and Avon..."

Oh...you would be DONE.

Guaranteed, you won't smiling for long as she'll take a balled fist and drive those pearly whites right into your colon in about 1.7 seconds. She might even tear your leg off and beat you with it. Whatever you do, DON'T DO THIS! Seriously! Cross off "sundries for the Missus" as an option...unless you look forward to alimony...and considering if she allows you to live long enough to pay her some!!

When I got to that line in dark-blue up there...the bar went absolutely nuts for what seemed like minutes! Men were in tears laughing their heads off and their wives/GFs/Mistresses were holding their hands to their face in embarrassment (but they were really trying to hide the fact that they were laughing too and exchanging threatening gazes at their male counterparts as if to say, "...TRY IT AND DIE!!" including my own lady!!)

I won the contest. :)

So...what to give your lady, eh? Well, it seems money is no option. Take her out and treat her like a queen. If she likes manicures and stuff, take her to a beauty salon and get her the works - manicure, pedicure, full professional body massage...

If you can have animals, what's a small animal your wife always wanted? A buddy of mine's wife loves birds and he bought her pair of those one love birds that are green and red but look like a mix of a ****atiel and a parakeet (can't think of their real names but they are common). Beautiful birds. Another friend of mine bought his GF a white ****atiel and they are great mimics (she taught it to say "Peek-a-boo", "Pretty Baby" and all kinds of things - she loves it!)

The world is full of possibilities if you put your mind to it. :)

[saturnotaku]

Originally posted by PsychoSy
I won the contest.

So what'd you win? :D

Back on topic, I'd say you won't go wrong with the salon idea. I think she'd love a full day of massage and other bodily pampering (which has nothing to do with diapers :eek: ). :)

[Red Dog]

Originally posted by nin_fragile14
What did you get her last year? :eek:


Last year?

I got her a cemetary plot.

[fastguy94416]

um haha?

[LORD-eX-Bu]

hehe, we own plots too.:D ;)

[PsychoSy]

Originally posted by saturnotaku
So what'd you win? :D

$100! :)

Didn't last long, either.
Give ev'ry one a r-round on me, keep $5 for yershelf and bring me back da change! *hic* :p

Man, I was hammered! :D

[saturnotaku]

You need to take this act on the road and then have a movie made about yourself. The title? Legend of Drunken Comedian :D

[PsychoSy]

I think Foster Brooks beat me to it, Ed! :cool: