Top 10 Survival Tips For Family Cruises

[MikeC]

10. Don't drink heavy during rough seas. Even if you don't have motion sickness, you will after seeing other people throw-up.

9. Don't get in a hot tub with an older couple over 80 years old. You can't do anything if he flirts with your wife and there's a good chance his wife is wearing a thong. I'm still having nightmares about her wrinkled ass.

8. Don't hook your credit card to your wife's sail and sign card. The ships have freakin' shopping malls inside them.

7. Learn at least seven languages before boarding, because no crew members can understand English.

6. Don't drink the water. They make it themselves from seawater and it smells and tastes like rotten fish.

5. A good thing - teenage sons can entertain themselves looking for hot babes.

4. A bad thing - teenage sons need lots of money when looking for hot babes.

3. Whenever you see a Carnival photographer, try to look like you smell a fart. This will save you lots of money!

2. Don't think about all the money the vacation is costing you - just spend an afternoon on the topless deck instead.

1. Never take a horse and carriage ride in Nassau. They feed horses Ex-Lax for breakfast. After a night of drinking, rough seas, and then smelling a horses ass for half an hour, the salt mine is looking better by the minute!

[Wolfman]

Absolute quality tips http://www.wolfmans-den.co.uk/misc/thumbs.gif

Was it a all paid cruise or did you have to pay extra for the booze/food???

[MikeC]

We had to pay for our drinks including soft drinks. I think I spent close to $90.00. My wife had booked the cruise about 8 months ago so I had it paid for before we went. The food was included in the price of the cruise ...thank god :D

[AshG]

Originally posted by MikeC

6. Don't drink the water. They make it themselves from seawater and it smells and tastes like rotten fish.


Good thing I didn't book a cruise for the honeymoon - I have a very weak stomach when it comes to bad water, and my stomach will be nervous enough as it is! Thanks for the tip.

[|JuiceZ|]

hehehehe Mike I'm rolling :D Glad you had a good time though :alc:

btw Wolfman we have one of those too :thumbsup:

[saturnotaku]

Sounds like you had a bad experience with the cruise line. When my family and I went to Alaska last summer, the whole experience (using Princess Cruises) was absolutely wonderful.

For sure though I'll remember not to use Carnival if/when I decide to take a cruise to somewhere slightly more tropical than our 49th state. :D

[Kruno]

9. Don't get in a hot tub with an older couple over 80 years old. You can't do anything if he flirts with your wife and there's a good chance his wife is wearing a thong. I'm still having nightmares about her wrinkled ass.

What possessed you to do this in the first place? LMFAO!!! :D

[PsychoSy]

I've been at work for a week and just got back...first thing is first...

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tention breaker.
Had to be done.

Ok, now then...

From MikeC:
9. Don't get in a hot tub with an older couple over 80 years old. You can't do anything if he flirts with your wife and there's a good chance his wife is wearing a thong. I'm still having nightmares about her wrinkled ass.

Thank you so much for that, Mike. No, seriously - thanks. I've been devoid of nightmares lately and, with that little morsel, I'm sure they'll fire right back up...even without the NyQuil!! :p

8. Don't hook your credit card to your wife's sail and sign card. The ships have freakin' shopping malls inside them.

You too, eh? Here - you can borrow the ol' fishbilly. I used it once before on myself when I realized my ex (then 7 months pregnant) went to Disneyworld with the bankcard. I sat here in my chair for days monitoring the balance online and taking the time every now and then to deliver a few choice blows to my gourd.

"Stupid Sy...stupid, stupid, stupid..."
THOCK!!
"I'm PsychoSy - Planet earth's Official IGNORAMUS OF THE MONTH!!"
THOCK!!

There is a bright side to your experiance, though. Chances are, at least ONE among the number of folks surrounding you on that boat probably has decent carreer in the legal system...specifically bankruptcy !

No Yellow Pages at all, man! They're all right there! :)

Don't have to walk very far at all...unless he's the 80 year old prune in the hottub. :eek: :eek: :eek:

In such of a case, here's the solution:

1) Grab Shotgun.
2) Insert 12 gauge slug
3) Point to own noggin and pull the F'n trigger.

;)

[Tactics]

lol good tips.. I love cruises. I been on 3 with Carnival and going on my 4th this April (hopefully) they are such a blast!

Over in Cozumel, Carlos and Charlies has to be one of the best places on this Earth! :D

[-=Gib-McFragger=-]

I would love to go on a vacation cruise, but that would require the time off and um........oh yea, money hehehehehe.

Glad you had a good one though, everyone needs a vacation once and a while or they go InSaNe. :eek:

[Red Dog]

Royal Carribean lines are awesome, I highly recommend them.

[Kruno]

I think going out is useless. I can always do that behind my PC. ;)