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Athena
05-23-06, 11:57 AM
Over this last weekend I learned a important lesson about MMOs and the need for boundries. In the MMO I play I have a very popular avatar and I get flited w/ on a regular basis. The issue came up when I responed to one in a more than normal way. We got heavy into cybering and even shared our real E-mail and IM addresses. This virtual relationship went on for some weeks and then on day I was asked what am "I" doing right no not my avatar.

WOW. This did not feel right. Boundries where being crossed and it kind of freaked me out. I mean I was ok flirting and all in the game as my avatar but I was not looking for a real relationship outside of the game.

So a few days later during a long 3.5 hour chat I called it quites. This person was totally crushed seems they thought they had totally fallen in love w/ my avatar as a real person and was hoping to get together some day. Tons of crying and heart ache followed. :(

Has any one else ever crossed the virtual into the real in a game? Where you take things to personally and it startes to effect your real life? After this experience I have been more aware of my boundries in MMOs and have noticed how easy it is to let another playing "in" so to speak. I think it has to do w/ the feeling of safty you get from being on the net.

Well any stories or thoughts?

|MaguS|
05-23-06, 12:04 PM
I never flirt or try to form anything else other then friendship with people that I have not met in person when I play a MMORPG. I sometimes play a female character so it would be weird but I usually am up front with telling people I meet that Im a guy. I did play EQ with my girlfriend at the time, was weird with her playing a female character aswell since calling eachother "hun" and "babe" made people ask ALOT of questions...

I do form close friendships though, In EQ I could say I had a best friend. We use to group together always and knew alot of about eachother from conversations, when I quit he sent me emails every now and then just to keep intouch. Same with guilds, we often had meets where a bunch of us would get together at someones home or at a local bar and just talk. Would be funny meeting some people for the first time and see how different they act outside of the game.

Heck, My guild had a list of members RL Numbers and Names just incase someone was needed or something, I remember getting a call at 3am in the morning asking if I could log on to kill a raid boss... guild leader was pissed when I hug up on him... but I did log on 10mins later...

CaptNKILL
05-23-06, 12:06 PM
:wtf:

vampireuk
05-23-06, 12:26 PM
One thing springs to mind straight away, get a life.

Athena
05-23-06, 02:17 PM
One thing springs to mind straight away, get a life.

One like yours? Checks post count and sees this person has no life. ;)

slick
05-23-06, 02:51 PM
H'es been here for over 5 years, you would expect his post count to be high.

As for the topic, the boundaries are already set, you crossed them. Seriously, who the hell gets into a "serious" relationship in a video game. If you really think you like the person THAT much, go effing meet them.

Athena
05-23-06, 03:31 PM
H'es been here for over 5 years, you would expect his post count to be high.

As for the topic, the boundaries are already set, you crossed them. Seriously, who the hell gets into a "serious" relationship in a video game. If you really think you like the person THAT much, go effing meet them.

Look before you post. I've been here for 2 and a half years now, do you notice any thing in the post count difference?
Also I can tell from your post you did not bother to read mine so keep your thread crapping to your effing self. ;)

slick
05-23-06, 03:46 PM
All that shows is that he posts regularly on an internet forums. Your comeback about him having no life is moot, especially in the face your little story there.

You came here looking for two things, opinions and sympathy, and you're gonna gonna get one of those two. If you can't handle that, don't make the topic. I read your post through and through, what about my previous response would insinuate otherwise?


I have no problem making a friendly relationship with other people online. I have e-friends from WoW that I play with in the virtual world, but I would never consider any of them better friends than any of my real life friends.

If you have so entirely engrossed yourself into a video game where you feel that you are your avatar, and you start have "serious" relationships with other people INSIDE of said game, you have issues and you need help. A game is just that, a game. You are not your character in that game, you play that character. And if you think you've "fallen" for someone in the video game, like I said before, go meet them... IN REAL LIFE.

Athena
05-23-06, 04:13 PM
WOW. This did not feel right. Boundries where being crossed and it kind of freaked me out. I mean I was ok flirting and all in the game as my avatar but I was not looking for a real relationship outside of the game.

Well any stories or thoughts?

Since you can not read I re-quoted a small part of my post so you can see why I do not under stand your suggestion I go meet this person.

Anyway I am all for your comments and thoughts. But telling a person they have no life is just childish thread crapping I think people can do better than that. That was the point of my silly reply. Personal attacks have no place or value. My guess Vamp was in a bad mood and lashed out to make himself feel better. Fine, then my reply is also fine as it was just the same thing back.

MODs lets please close this thread since it seems this is a topic that can not be discussed w/ out personal attacks.

slick
05-23-06, 05:20 PM
Since you can not read I re-quoted a small part of my post so you can see why I do not under stand your suggestion I go meet this person.

Anyway I am all for your comments and thoughts. But telling a person they have no life is just childish thread crapping I think people can do better than that. That was the point of my silly reply. Personal attacks have no place or value. My guess Vamp was in a bad mood and lashed out to make himself feel better. Fine, then my reply is also fine as it was just the same thing back.

MODs lets please close this thread since it seems this is a topic that can not be discussed w/ out personal attacks.

You started a personal thread about your actions and wanted comments on it. How is it NOT going to be personal?

And don't go all psychiatrist on us. Vamp was in a bad mood blah blah blah. I was/am in a fine mood and I had the same exact reaction. In fact, 99% of the people that you tell this story to outside of your video game world will probably have the same reaction, maybe they won't be as forthcoming as Vamp was, but the same thought will run through everyone's head.

Anyway I am all for your comments and thoughts.

No you aren't. If you were you wouldn't have a problem with what anyone said. As I said before, you are looking for sympathy and catharsis, neither of which you are going to find from me or likely anyone on these forums. You're all for the comments and thoughts of people that agree with you. Take your search for confirmation bias elsewhere.

Athena
05-24-06, 10:27 AM
Still have not read my post. but I guess that is to much to ask. :(

Athena
05-24-06, 10:39 AM
You started a personal thread about your actions and wanted comments on it. How is it NOT going to be personal?

And don't go all psychiatrist on us. Vamp was in a bad mood blah blah blah. I was/am in a fine mood and I had the same exact reaction. In fact, 99% of the people that you tell this story to outside of your video game world will probably have the same reaction, maybe they won't be as forthcoming as Vamp was, but the same thought will run through everyone's head.



No you aren't. If you were you wouldn't have a problem with what anyone said. As I said before, you are looking for sympathy and catharsis, neither of which you are going to find from me or likely anyone on these forums. You're all for the comments and thoughts of people that agree with you. Take your search for confirmation bias elsewhere.

Just sad really :(

Again. Mods please delete this thread

slick
05-24-06, 02:58 PM
None of that post had anything to go with your original post, and as I have said, I've read it time and time again. I still feel the same way, get over it.

And you still have not come up with a legitimate response, or rather, you can't. Sorry, that's how it goes from time to time. Please mods, by all means, delete this, Anthena obviously has nothing more of value to say.

WeReWoLf
05-24-06, 04:20 PM
I used to get alot of flirting within WoW. Until i told them that my RL (can't stress that enough) G/F's char was my alt. Of course, i had told her to expect a few things like that. I don't get any flirts anymore, unless it's someone from my guild playing silly buggers.

Parts
05-24-06, 06:02 PM
Personally, I think its all common sense not to do that kind of thing.

People who look at some avatar then think "omg hawt gurl" and wanna cyber them or something are delusional and have problems, people who act on the delusional persons actions have their own problems too... maybe you need to take a look at your own boundaries and set new ones and/or just dont let yourself get involved like that with people because some people are pretty odd when it comes to stuff like that.

All in all, its not the MMO games that need boundaries, its the people who play the games that let their emotions and delusions take hold.

ruziel
05-24-06, 09:30 PM
Over this last weekend I learned a important lesson about MMOs and the need for boundries. In the MMO I play I have a very popular avatar and I get flited w/ on a regular basis. The issue came up when I responed to one in a more than normal way. We got heavy into cybering and even shared our real E-mail and IM addresses. This virtual relationship went on for some weeks and then on day I was asked what am "I" doing right no not my avatar.

WOW. This did not feel right. Boundries where being crossed and it kind of freaked me out. I mean I was ok flirting and all in the game as my avatar but I was not looking for a real relationship outside of the game.

So a few days later during a long 3.5 hour chat I called it quites. This person was totally crushed seems they thought they had totally fallen in love w/ my avatar as a real person and was hoping to get together some day. Tons of crying and heart ache followed. :(

Has any one else ever crossed the virtual into the real in a game? Where you take things to personally and it startes to effect your real life? After this experience I have been more aware of my boundries in MMOs and have noticed how easy it is to let another playing "in" so to speak. I think it has to do w/ the feeling of safty you get from being on the net.

Well any stories or thoughts?

You make us normal MMO players look bad. Nobody cares about your cyber sessions unless it's for comedic relief.

supra
05-24-06, 10:03 PM
hmmmz

this reminds me of that funny WoW funeral that got raided.

Parts
05-24-06, 10:28 PM
hmmmz

this reminds me of that funny WoW funeral that got raided.

Only creepy

Sectus
05-26-06, 03:20 AM
Over this last weekend I learned a important lesson about MMOs and the need for boundries. In the MMO I play I have a very popular avatar and I get flited w/ on a regular basis. The issue came up when I responed to one in a more than normal way. We got heavy into cybering and even shared our real E-mail and IM addresses. This virtual relationship went on for some weeks and then on day I was asked what am "I" doing right no not my avatar.

WOW. This did not feel right. Boundries where being crossed and it kind of freaked me out. I mean I was ok flirting and all in the game as my avatar but I was not looking for a real relationship outside of the game.
I wonder, what were you trying to get from this "virtual relationship"?

It's definitely possible to establish real friendships over the net, it's even possible to establish romantic relationships over the net (although 99% of those won't last). So your "partner" did a stupid thing of falling in love with your avatar instead of the real you, that's stupid but it did happen.

But I'm not sure how you fit in. Were you looking for an actual romantic relationship... or were you just RP'ing and trying to play as your character by doing heavy cybering with another char? You already dismissed the first theory... but thinking the latter is true is even more disturbing than the first.

a12ctic
05-26-06, 09:23 AM
pretty bizzare, when i befriend people in video games we just **** around and joke, not "Cyber"

Athena
05-26-06, 11:58 AM
yes, I am a roleplayer when on MMOs I do not play as me in the game I play the avatar I created. I guess being a old school pen and paper RPGamer the thought of playing a RPG and skipping the whole role playing part of it did not cross my mind. But as I am seeing it looks like most people just play RPGs as them self. This would explain the reaction I got from the other player.

So my question would be if you are playing as your self in the game where do you draw your boundries? It seems if you are role playing the boundry is clear. Play the avatar not yourself. That way when something happens to your avatar you do not take it personal, it is just a game. But if you play as yourself then when something happens it is personal by definition.

Any thoughts?

Sectus
05-26-06, 12:07 PM
I'm not exactly much of a roleplayer, but for me it sounds difficult to not take things personally. If I play with another player long enough, even if I have no idea who that player is in real life, I can easily call that person a friend of mine. If I were to engage in romantic relations with that player it would just feel completely wrong, even if it were for the sake of roleplaying.

Monolyth
05-26-06, 02:40 PM
yes, I am a roleplayer when on MMOs I do not play as me in the game I play the avatar I created. I guess being a old school pen and paper RPGamer the thought of playing a RPG and skipping the whole role playing part of it did not cross my mind. But as I am seeing it looks like most people just play RPGs as them self. This would explain the reaction I got from the other player.

So my question would be if you are playing as your self in the game where do you draw your boundries? It seems if you are role playing the boundry is clear. Play the avatar not yourself. That way when something happens to your avatar you do not take it personal, it is just a game. But if you play as yourself then when something happens it is personal by definition.

Any thoughts?

I think that if a person is roleplaying that they still empart some pieces of themselves to whatever you might be doing, whether it's online, table-top whatever, you are expressing yourself through an avatar. And if that person forms a friendship through that avatar then who is to say that the friendship is completely based on the virtual reality where it started? I've made many friendships with all kinds of people through online games, many of whom I value just as much as if they were physically near me.

Personally I feel it makes a game even more fun when you connect with people even apart from the virtual world. Whether a person wishes to persue beyond friendship with someone they met is of course up to both parties. But that doesn't mean that the friendsip is doomed. All in all I would say not to be afraid to make friends out of people you meet in a roleplaying atmosphere and even take it beyond the game. When a person wants to make the relationship more and you don't then just say you'd rather be friends, no harm no foul. But who knows when you might meet someone that you really do like and would like to explore the relationship a bit more.

Some people say that online gamers/roleplayers need to "get a life". We have one and we live it everyday, we do things that we enjoy and that make us happy. To me life is living and doing the things that make you happy and make everyday important. The definition of life is different for everyone so don't judge people by your definition of life, let them live theirs and you live yours.

Okay nuff preaching *sigh*. Peace!

nutball
05-27-06, 06:10 AM
It's important to remember that MMOs are a social activity, and just as with any other social activity there's always scope for the age-old male/female stuff to raise it's ugly head. They're also no more intrinsically sad than many other forms of social activity.

I don't know how old some of you guys are, or whether you've ever come across some of the stuff that adults use the Internet for? MMOs really aren't much different from IRC, chat rooms, forums, etc., they're a vehicle for on-line dating! I know it may seem a bit weird and probably isn't the sort of thing that any self-respecting and "cool" twenty-something year-old would consider doing, but wait 'til you're in your mid-thirties, with an ex-wife, and fancy a bit of flirtation!

Those in this thread pronouncing "get a life!!1! <snort>" need to step back and think about things a bit more deeply! Once you have a real life (job, wife, kids, mortgage) you might realise why these virtual worlds are so appealing!

Zelda_fan
05-28-06, 12:02 AM
roflmao

This is exactly why I quit World of Warcraft, because it was populated by losers like this. "falling in love with a female avatar?" lmfao get a damn life. Learn how to go out and have a good time, not get off talking to cyberbabes online.

If I were you, I'd uninstall WoW, burn the discs, and never touch a computer again.