saturnotaku
02-03-03, 09:09 AM
I'm sure you've all received the Nigerian money scam in your e-mail at some point or another. My ********* account just received one yesterday and I want to have some fun with it. Something Awful (http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=411) did this and I'd like to do something similar. I'm not in a very creative mood right now so I'm turning to the rest of you to give me a bit of help in crafting a reply. The e-mail is as follows:
ASSISTANCE
WE ARE MEMBERS OF A SPECIAL COMMITTEE FOR BUDGET AND
PLANNING OF THE NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION
(NNPC)IN WEST AFRICA. THIS COMMITTEE IS PRINCIPALLY CONCERNED
WITH CONTRACT AWARDS AND APPROVAL. WITH OUR POSITIONS,
WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY SECURED FOR OURSELVES THE SUM OF
THIRTHY ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED
STATES DOLLARS (US$31.5M). THIS AMOUNT WAS CAREFULLY
MANIPULATED BY OVER-INVOICING OF AN OLD CONTRACT.
BASED ON INFORMATION GATHERED ABOUT YOU, WE BELIEVE
YOU WOULD BE IN A POSITION TO HELP US IN TRANSFERING
THIS FUND (US$31.5M) INTO A SAFE ACCOUNT. IT HAS BEEN
AGREED THAT THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WILL BE
COMPENSATED WITH 30% OF THE REMITTED FUNDS, WHILE WE
KEEP 60% AS THE INITIATORS AND 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE
TO OFFSET EXPENSES AND PAY THE NECESSARY TAXES.WE
INTEND TO USE PART OF OUR OWN SHARE TO IMPORT FROM
YOUR COUNTRY AGRICULTURAL AND CONSTRUCTION MACHINERY.
THIS IS BECAUSE THE PRESENT GOVERNMENT OF MY COUNTRY
IS EMPHASISING ON PROVIDING FOOD AND HOUSING FOR ALL
ITS CITIZENS BEFORE THE NEXT ELECTION. HENCE,
AGRICULTURAL AND CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT ARE IN HIGH
DEMAND OVER HERE. WE SHALL ALSO NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE
IN THIS REGARD ON A COMMISSION TO BE AGREED UPON WHEN
WE FINALLY MEET.
ALL MODALITIES OF THIS TRANSACTION HAVE BEEN CAREFULLY
WORKED OUT AND ONCE STARTED WILL NOT TAKE MORE THAN
SEVEN (7) WORKING DAYS, WITH YOUR FULL SUPPORT. THIS
TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE.
MOREOVER, WE SHALL NEED THE FOLLOWING FROM YOU TO
ENABLE US BEGIN THE TRANSACTION FORMALLY. THEY ARE;
YOUR FULL NAME AND ADDRESS OR YOUR COMPANY NAME,
ADDRESS AND TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBERS, YOUR BANKERS
NAME AND ADDRESS, YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER AND NAME.
THIS INFORMATION WILL BE USED ALONGSIDE OTHER VITAL
DOCUMENTS OVER HERE IN PREPARING THE NECESSARY
APPLICATION FOR PAYMENT TO THE CONCERNED QUARTERS
WHERE PAYMENT APPROVALS WOULD BE SECURED IN FAVOUR
OF YOUR COMPANY FOR THE PAYMENT OF OUR FUND(US$31.5M)
INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT FOR US ALL. BY OUR APPLICATION,
IT WILL BE ASSUMED THAT THIS SUM IS BEING REQUESTED AS
PAYMENT, WHICH IS LONG-OUTSTANDING, FOR A CONTRACT,
WE SHALL CLAIM WITH OUR POSITION, YOU OR YOUR COMPANY
EXECUTED FOR (NNPC) SOMETIME IN 1997. HENCE, WE SHALL
FOLLOW ALL THE LEGAL OFFICIAL PROTOCOLS USUALLY
OBSERVED BY FOREIGN CONTRACTORS WHENEVER THEY
ARE DEMANDING PAYMENT FOR CONTRACTS EXECUTED
FOR THE GOVERNMENT OF MY COUNTRY.
FURTHERMORE, IMMEDIATELY THE FINAL APPROVAL IS GRANTED,
THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 72
HOURS, BY WHICH TIME MY PARTNERS AND I WILL BE IN YOUR COUNTRY
FOR THE FINAL DISBURSEMENT IN THE RATIO ALREADY SPELT OUT TO YOU.
PLEASE, YOU SHOULD ENDEAVOUR TO GIVE US AN ACCOUNT
WHICH YOU HAVE ABSOLUTE CONTROL OVER. THIS IS VERY
IMPORTANT BECAUSE WE WOULD NOT WANT A SITUATION
WHEN THE MONEY IS IN THE ACCOUNT, YOU NOW TELL US
YOU WOULD NEED TO BE AUTHORISED BY ANOTHER PERSON
BEFORE WE CAN HAVE OUR OWN SHARE.
YOU WILL NOT BE REQUIRED TO TRAVEL OUT OF YOUR COUNTRY,
ME AND MY PARTNERS, WE TRAVEL DOWN TO YOUR COUNTRY
FOR THE DISBURSEMENT OF THE FUND, AFTER THE FINAL TRANSACTION.
WE WILL ALSO DISCUSS ABOUT OIL BUSINEES IN MY COUNTRY
WHEN WE COME DOWN OVER THERE. BECAUSE WE WOULD
LIKE TO ESTABLISH A JOINT BUSINESS WITH YOU. THAT IS
WE WILL USE YOUR NAME TO REGISTER AND
INCORPORATE AN OIL COMPANY IN MY COUNTRY.
BESIDES, ON THE COMPLETION OF THIS TRANSFER,
ALL DOCUMENTS USED FOR THE PURPOSE WILL BE
WITHDRAWN FROM THE QUARTERS THEY ARE SUBMITTED
BY OUR CONTACTS IN THESE OFFICES AND DESTROYED,
THEREAFTER. SO, THERE WILL NOT BE ANY PROBLEM
ARISING FROM THIS TRANSACTION NOW OR IN THE FUTURE.
IF THIS PROPOSAL SATISFIES YOU, PLEASE REACH US ONLY
BY EMAIL FOR MORE INFORMATION.
PLEASE, TREAT AS URGENT AND VERY IMPORTANT.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
DR.PATRICK KOFI.
ASSISTANCE
WE ARE MEMBERS OF A SPECIAL COMMITTEE FOR BUDGET AND
PLANNING OF THE NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION
(NNPC)IN WEST AFRICA. THIS COMMITTEE IS PRINCIPALLY CONCERNED
WITH CONTRACT AWARDS AND APPROVAL. WITH OUR POSITIONS,
WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY SECURED FOR OURSELVES THE SUM OF
THIRTHY ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED
STATES DOLLARS (US$31.5M). THIS AMOUNT WAS CAREFULLY
MANIPULATED BY OVER-INVOICING OF AN OLD CONTRACT.
BASED ON INFORMATION GATHERED ABOUT YOU, WE BELIEVE
YOU WOULD BE IN A POSITION TO HELP US IN TRANSFERING
THIS FUND (US$31.5M) INTO A SAFE ACCOUNT. IT HAS BEEN
AGREED THAT THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WILL BE
COMPENSATED WITH 30% OF THE REMITTED FUNDS, WHILE WE
KEEP 60% AS THE INITIATORS AND 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE
TO OFFSET EXPENSES AND PAY THE NECESSARY TAXES.WE
INTEND TO USE PART OF OUR OWN SHARE TO IMPORT FROM
YOUR COUNTRY AGRICULTURAL AND CONSTRUCTION MACHINERY.
THIS IS BECAUSE THE PRESENT GOVERNMENT OF MY COUNTRY
IS EMPHASISING ON PROVIDING FOOD AND HOUSING FOR ALL
ITS CITIZENS BEFORE THE NEXT ELECTION. HENCE,
AGRICULTURAL AND CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT ARE IN HIGH
DEMAND OVER HERE. WE SHALL ALSO NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE
IN THIS REGARD ON A COMMISSION TO BE AGREED UPON WHEN
WE FINALLY MEET.
ALL MODALITIES OF THIS TRANSACTION HAVE BEEN CAREFULLY
WORKED OUT AND ONCE STARTED WILL NOT TAKE MORE THAN
SEVEN (7) WORKING DAYS, WITH YOUR FULL SUPPORT. THIS
TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE.
MOREOVER, WE SHALL NEED THE FOLLOWING FROM YOU TO
ENABLE US BEGIN THE TRANSACTION FORMALLY. THEY ARE;
YOUR FULL NAME AND ADDRESS OR YOUR COMPANY NAME,
ADDRESS AND TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBERS, YOUR BANKERS
NAME AND ADDRESS, YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER AND NAME.
THIS INFORMATION WILL BE USED ALONGSIDE OTHER VITAL
DOCUMENTS OVER HERE IN PREPARING THE NECESSARY
APPLICATION FOR PAYMENT TO THE CONCERNED QUARTERS
WHERE PAYMENT APPROVALS WOULD BE SECURED IN FAVOUR
OF YOUR COMPANY FOR THE PAYMENT OF OUR FUND(US$31.5M)
INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT FOR US ALL. BY OUR APPLICATION,
IT WILL BE ASSUMED THAT THIS SUM IS BEING REQUESTED AS
PAYMENT, WHICH IS LONG-OUTSTANDING, FOR A CONTRACT,
WE SHALL CLAIM WITH OUR POSITION, YOU OR YOUR COMPANY
EXECUTED FOR (NNPC) SOMETIME IN 1997. HENCE, WE SHALL
FOLLOW ALL THE LEGAL OFFICIAL PROTOCOLS USUALLY
OBSERVED BY FOREIGN CONTRACTORS WHENEVER THEY
ARE DEMANDING PAYMENT FOR CONTRACTS EXECUTED
FOR THE GOVERNMENT OF MY COUNTRY.
FURTHERMORE, IMMEDIATELY THE FINAL APPROVAL IS GRANTED,
THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 72
HOURS, BY WHICH TIME MY PARTNERS AND I WILL BE IN YOUR COUNTRY
FOR THE FINAL DISBURSEMENT IN THE RATIO ALREADY SPELT OUT TO YOU.
PLEASE, YOU SHOULD ENDEAVOUR TO GIVE US AN ACCOUNT
WHICH YOU HAVE ABSOLUTE CONTROL OVER. THIS IS VERY
IMPORTANT BECAUSE WE WOULD NOT WANT A SITUATION
WHEN THE MONEY IS IN THE ACCOUNT, YOU NOW TELL US
YOU WOULD NEED TO BE AUTHORISED BY ANOTHER PERSON
BEFORE WE CAN HAVE OUR OWN SHARE.
YOU WILL NOT BE REQUIRED TO TRAVEL OUT OF YOUR COUNTRY,
ME AND MY PARTNERS, WE TRAVEL DOWN TO YOUR COUNTRY
FOR THE DISBURSEMENT OF THE FUND, AFTER THE FINAL TRANSACTION.
WE WILL ALSO DISCUSS ABOUT OIL BUSINEES IN MY COUNTRY
WHEN WE COME DOWN OVER THERE. BECAUSE WE WOULD
LIKE TO ESTABLISH A JOINT BUSINESS WITH YOU. THAT IS
WE WILL USE YOUR NAME TO REGISTER AND
INCORPORATE AN OIL COMPANY IN MY COUNTRY.
BESIDES, ON THE COMPLETION OF THIS TRANSFER,
ALL DOCUMENTS USED FOR THE PURPOSE WILL BE
WITHDRAWN FROM THE QUARTERS THEY ARE SUBMITTED
BY OUR CONTACTS IN THESE OFFICES AND DESTROYED,
THEREAFTER. SO, THERE WILL NOT BE ANY PROBLEM
ARISING FROM THIS TRANSACTION NOW OR IN THE FUTURE.
IF THIS PROPOSAL SATISFIES YOU, PLEASE REACH US ONLY
BY EMAIL FOR MORE INFORMATION.
PLEASE, TREAT AS URGENT AND VERY IMPORTANT.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
DR.PATRICK KOFI.