Act 3 - The Return of Crazy Lady!
So there Gord was, average day, and a woman rents a couple games and promises to pay the late fees next time she rents. Nothing out of the ordinary She then leaves with her games.
"Gord! That was her!"
"Who?"
"The crazy lady!"
"Really?"
At this point it had been six months since the incident. Her husband signed up an account 2 weeks prior and rented a couple games that were late coming back.
Long story short, the games she had were also late and in the end I was owed some $80 in late fees. At a $1 a day per game, that takes a while.
Eventually it was forwarded to collections (accounts that go inactive for six months and owe more than $20 are forwarded to collections).
<ring>
"Gamer's Edge"
"What's this about me owing you money!?!"
"Can I ask the same question too since I have no idea who you are?"
"You told your collection company I owe you $80!"
"Ok. I told the collection company you owe me $80."
"Why did you do that?"
"My theory would be because you owe me $80. How about I pull up your account and see what the account says."
So I pull up the account. Oh the memories! The crazy lady has returned!
"Ma'am, you had a few games that were quite late." (Gord then listed them all off, including dates and days extra).
"I've never returned a game late to you."
(Ah the lies)
"I would suggest that statement is a fallacy."
"I'm a huge customer of yours! You should just waive the late charges."
(ok fine, lie some more)
"Ma'am, you've spent a grand total of $16 in the store and racked up $83 in late charges. Perhaps if you paid them off you might be closer to being 'a big customer.'"
"Well, I'm on welfare and I can't afford to pay it."
(unleash the dogs of war again!)
"Yes Ma'am. I can tell you are on welfare."
<pause>
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!"
"I said 'Yes ma'am, I can tell you're on welfare.'"
"I heard you say that!"
"That would be because I said it to you."
"You hear him say that?!? Did you? See! My friend heard you say that!"
"Ma'am, I will write it down for you, sign it, and mail it to you if you would like. 'Dear Ma'am, I can tell you are on welfare. Lots of love, Gord.'"
"You can't say that! That's illegal! That's slander!'
"Ma'am, it's what we call the truth. Perhaps if you were to use some of my money you get every month to buy a book and read up on the law you'd learn a bit and expand your mind."
"I'm never paying the money we owe you!"
"That's nice. Technically, it's your husbands account. So I have no reason to talk to you about it."
"We're never paying!"
"That's nice. Then we'll go to court and you'll have to pay the court costs."
"We won't show up!"
"Oh that's ****ing brilliant. Your parents must be so proud. Might I again suggest you read a book?"
"If you want your money you'll have to sue!"
"Are you not keeping up on current events? That's what were discussing."
"And I'll sue you for desecration of character!"
"Ma'am, that would be defamation of character. And as you are on welfare, and I can tell you're on welfare, I am allowed to say 'yes, ma'am, I can tell you're on welfare.'"
"We heard you say that! We're going to sue!"
"Perhaps we should slow down a bit and let you keep notes. You're just not keeping up here."
"**** you!"
"I'm sorry ma'am, you do not sexually excite me. "
"I'm never renting from you again!"
"That's nice. But you can't anyway until you pay off your late charges anyway."
"You'll have to sue!"
"Very well, I'll get the paperwork in order for Monday."
<pause>
<click>
Anyway she eventually paid some of her late charges to the collection company on the day court action was to have started. And that was the last I ever heard of the Crazy Lady…
Perhaps one day the saga will continue…. We can only hope.
From:
http://www.actsofgord.com/Victory/chapter03.html
That is awesome. :D :D :D