Bearer of Bad News

[PsychoSy]

At 7:15 AM this morning, my father - Donald E. Sizemore - passed away in my arms just as the paramedics showed up some 15-20 minutes after we had called them, but the "official" time of death is 7:45 AM.

At 6:50 AM, he went for his usualy early morning paper run. I was asleep. When he came back, he honked the horn. Mom went out there and he said, "Wake Jason and help me back into the house. I'm having another one of my spells." We go out there and help him back in the house. Mom gets his coat off and he says he needed to use the bathroom.

We help him in there and he ends up passing out. We get him to come around a few times and we tell him, "Let's get your pants up and get you to your chair." We got him up, tried to hike up his drawls, and his legs gave out. At this point, I knew he was going - lips were purple, tongue was starting to swell, and the look in his eyes spoke volumes. While my Mom rushed to call 911 (at around 7:05). I had used my body weight to prop dad upright as best as I could but within minutes, I knew he was gone.

Ten minutes after THAT, the paramedics show up, get him on the living room floor and perform CPR until around 7:40. They managed to get a slight pulse back but it kept tapering off. They broke us the bad news in an official manner. For the next 3 hours, he laid in the living room, sheet over his head and his pants around his ankles because none of his dozens of doctors the police called would sign his death certificate. Each of them told the officer on the phone, "Well, I didn't know Mr. Sizemore enough to build a rapport with him so I don't feel confortable signing his death certificate." So, he had to call his supervisor and have the M.E. come out, conduct their standard proceedures, and pronounce him dead at the scene. During this hole period, family members were coming over and seeing everything.

God damned mess.

My mother certainly didn't need to go through this 3 hour long ordeal of seeing her deceased husband on the floor with a sheet drapped over his head (where you could clearly see an oxygen tube jutting out from underneath like a Egyptian pyramid by proxy) while family and county officials - clucking around her. But she's taking it much better now - 12 hours later - and every time she had to break the bad news over the phone, she's been breaking down less often.

As for me, it hasn't really hit me yet. I'm on 2 hours sleep and every time I close my eyes, I'm back in the bathroom cradling him so vividly. But it will hit me later on, to be sure. My dad and I had a love-hate relationship forever but in the last few years, he and I got along great. It seems ever since Gwen was born and I really got involved with watching news and politics, he and I were able to make a bond. Despite the years of pain and bitterness, those are the years I chose to celebrate and will remember.

My future here?

Gonna have to play it by ear. Funerals are expensive, his social security checks which paid the rent will cease, and we pretty much will have to move by the end of the month. Just can't afford it. This could mean that I may disappear from here shortly for an unfathomable period of time. In the days/weeks to come, things may becore more certain and you'll hear it here.

[LORD-eX-Bu]

Well man, sorry things had to go down the way they did. I hope you guys will get through this loss and recover financially before anything drastic has to happen.

Take care of yourself and your family man, I'll be praying for you :)

Wherever you go, or whatever happens, we'll remember ya and there will always be a space for ya here :)

[|JuiceZ|]

Psy you have such a way with words painting a perfect picture as if the reader was there. I'm so sry to hear about your father, we all have relationships like those and its always best to think of the positive things. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. This is another reminder never to take life for granted. Hang in there buddy, cause in times like these, you only grow stronger :)

[UDawg]

I truely am sorry for your lose. I am here any time you want to flame me. :p ;)

[saturnotaku]

That was such a terrible way for things to go down for you. Nobody should ever have to go through an ordeal such as this. You and your family have my support. Stay strong and you'll get through this.

It's great that you were able to rebuild a relationship with your father. How you described your most recent years with him is how it should be. Always keep those memories close to you, and you'll pull through just fine. :D

[The Baron]

Psycho, I think I can speak for everyone when I say that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers... I'm deeply sorry for your loss and I pray that your family makes it through this difficult time.

[Starscream]

Loosing family members is never a good thing, I sincerely hope everything else works out for you PsychoSy.

[LiquidX]

I haven't been around look enough to get know you or your posts PsychoSy but too you and your family and those who lose/lost a love one my deepest sympathy. Be strong for your family, especially your mother and do what you said, remember the good times which after all came after the bad times.

[Kruno]

Sorry for your loss Sy.

[vampireuk]

Sorry Sy, it sucks when this kind of thing happens:(

[Chalnoth]

Loss is always hard.

But I will say that it's better for the both of you to have seen this whole thing. It may not seem like it now, but it will help in the long run (much better than if neither of you had seen his body).

Still, waiting for three hours for a doctor to sign a death certificate sounds a bit excessive. I feel more for the stress it put yourself and your mother through in an already stressful time than I do for her having to see his body over that time.

In the meantime, rest well, and see if you can find the money to order out a few times for your Mom.

[volt]

I'm really sorry Sy. My deepest sympathy to you and your whole family :(

[ragejg]

my deepest sympathies go out to you, PsychoSy... I'm sure you have a lot of good memories... keep em close, and don't forget that somehow your father's with you, just in a different and equally powerful way. So there's a new torch to carry. :) Hold it high.

Keep in touch. We'll listen.

[jnd3]

My deepest condolences for your loss, Sy. May the peace of God that passes all understanding guard the hearts and minds of you and your family!

JND

[DaveW]

My sincere sympathies. I can only try and imagine what it must have been like. I can understand your financial worries now, about having to move home etc. Its important to stay on your feet, keep your act together, your mom needs you to be strong now. You want to notify the social security office ASAP. Your mom should still be able to receive most of your dad's social security. Read this for more info:

http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10084.html

I am sure paper work is the last thing you want to do right now but you have to stay ontop of it. It could mean the difference between keeping your home or loosing it and declaring bankruptcy.

Sometimes the universe is just a bitch and all you can do is be a stuborn asshole and keep on going no matter what it throws at you.

If you get in desperate need of cash, set up a payflow pro account and some of us guys can each chip in a bit for you.

[stncttr908]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Just remember, at least he died with people who comforted and loved him.

[netviper13]

Sorry for your loss Psy, my thoughts are with you and your family. Good luck in whatever the future may hold.

[Red Dog]

My sincerest condolences sy,

I Watch you Go

I see your eyes,
one final glance as you look back at me,
and we both know it is time.
Although I swore
I would never have to let you go
It's a promise I cannot keep.
I need to live
and you need to grow.

My heart folds back onto itself
And I just bend my knees and lower my center
To withstand the buffet of the winds
That will blow by me,
and through me
Without you standing there to shelter me.

The tether is cut,
and you are free to fly
and I lose an anchor,
and my cheeks burn,
from the icy wind
and the few tears that sneak past the wall
That I am leaning on
so that I can stand
and watch you go.

And someday soon I think
I will find a haven
Where I can cry the tears
And let the salt water cleanse the wounds
So they can begin to heal
But now is not the time.

One hand raised
I salute you
With a wave of good-bye
Wishing you all the blessings of this earth
And when we meet again
it won't be the same
But we will always know

How much we loved
and trusted
and shared
Victories, losses, adventures
and just the passage of time.

Look back no more
Eyes to the future
And I will just stand here
and watch you go.


© Susannah Thompson, 1996

[Serath]

ever notice that Psy always has the worst **** in the world happen to him?
We're with ya guy.

[fastguy94416]

I know what you are going through, as about the same thing happend to me about 3 years ago, when I was twelve. I was up in the boundary waters in northern minnesota camping with my dad. He died in the night, and we had to paddle out and get the forest service to fly us and the body out to the nearest hospital for the official death pronouncement.

I'll be prayin for you.

[Kruno]

Originally posted by Serath
ever notice that Psy always has the worst **** in the world happen to him?
We're with ya guy.

Did Sy ever have his mum attacked by a dog that her husband commanded to attack her?

Did Sy ever see his mum beaten up by police?

Did Sy have to get a court order against his father?

Did Sy's father ever trash his mother's/son's/brother's house?

Did Sy's father ever try and take money from his children along with their house?

Sorry, but Sy's father seems to be a downright decent guy and I really wish I had a father like Sy had. It really is a shame to see such things occur to good people.

[marqmajere]

I wasn't sure what to write as I myself lost my father in November, but know that folks are praying for you and if your not a man of faith then know that we are at least thinking of you. I hope you are able to come back here soon. You have a certain respect on this site and we'd sure as hell miss you if you never came back. :(

[PsychoSy]

Did Sy ever have his mum attacked by a dog that her husband commanded to attack her?

No.

My old man didn't need a dog to "correct" my mother or any of us.
He had two hands...

Did Sy ever see his mum beaten up by police?

No.

Instead, she witnessed the police beat the hell out of one of her sons. Mom and I had no idea he was hiding in the house - we just got home when the cops showed up. The male cop was very confrontational and beligerant right off the bat. His partner - a female - looked like she didn't know what day it was. We weren't hiding anything to the best of our knowledge so we let them in with no warrant.

The "asshole" cop found him in the parents bedroom and beat the hell out of him once in there (breaking the bed in the process), drug him out to the car (he stopped in the living room long enough to tell his partner, "Get all of that criminal bitch's pills together - she's coming too!") and proceeded to beat on him again in the backseat. Meanwhile, his partner was just "buying time" telling my Mom to get all her pills and medicines together for a night in jail which never "conveniently" happened - once the "asshole" cop came back in the house and saw the dozens of pills on the counter, he said, "Uh...we won't take you in today because of all these pills you have to take. We WILL be seeking harboring charges on you, though."

She plead not guilty - but still got convicted.

Why?

Because I was brought onto the witness stand wearing shackles, which prejudiced the jury and her court-appointed lawyer didn't say a thing. Never returned repeated calls for an appeal, either. Reason why I had shackles in the first place was because in between the time this event happened and the court hearing, I myself screwed up and ended up in the same juvenile center. What the Monroe County Police Department did to my mother on an emotional level alone could never compare to anything they could've done to her on a physical level.

Did Sy have to get a court order against his father?

Pretty close...a few months before Chris left me, my Dad hit my mother. Chris called the cops and the old man went to jail.
Showed up for his court hearing drunk. Convicted of domestic violence and ordered to either pay a fine or attend counseling.
He forked over the money.

Did Sy's father ever trash his mother's/son's/brother's house?

He'd always trash the house. If he wasn't mad enough to do that, well calling other family members (wife, sons, daughters, grandchildren) "worthless bastards" and the like was something he was very fond of.

Did Sy's father ever try and take money from his children along with their house?

Never. The opposite - if my Dad had it (money, food, etc.) and someone needed it more than he did, he'd give it to them. He was genereous with things such as that. Sometimes, we couldn't borrow money from him - when we did and tried to pay him back, he'd often refuse. "I don't want your money...keep it! Might need it an hour!"

Sorry, but Sy's father seems to be a downright decent guy and I really wish I had a father like Sy had. It really is a shame to see such things occur to good people.

Of course he "sounds like a decent guy". That's exactly the way he wanted it. I often had friends say, "I don't see how you and your dad don't like each other - he's pretty cool! Funnier than pigsh*it!!" and my reply was always, "Easy for you to say - you don't have to live with him!"

This is the way he wanted it. As long as the majority of the people thought he was cool (and if he acted genuine around them) then he was free to be a complete abusive, intolerant, jerk to his wife and kids. That way, if any family member ever got the spine to speak out and tell the REAL truth, those folks would be more inclined to immediately discredit it because "that's not the Sy I know".

"Nah, old Sy ain't like that! He's too damned nice of a guy!!"

Bottom Line?

This family experianced EVERY facet of Don Sizemore.
Others, however, only experianced those facets he wanted them to.

Now, if you will excuse me, K.I.L.E.R., my family and I have got a father to bury along with some fragments of happy and sad memories to either keep or bury with him. And, judging by your post here, I'd suggest you do the same.

[SurfMonkey]

My condolences to you and your family, I buried my mother on my birthday last year (November). I have now seen both my parents die in front of me and I can say that it isn't an experience that I would wish on my worst enemy.

My thoughts and heart are with you and yours. God bless.


Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.


Christina Rossetti

[Lunar]

OMG man. I'll be praying for you and your family. I hope all ends well.