sh NVIDIA-Linux-x86-1.0-4363.run --kernel-include-path=/usr/src/linux/include/
ok i did this before but it was after i tried it with out it,. SO after i remade the kernel and then ran it again the first time, it worked!!! Maybe if you run it once (leaving out the kernel header parameter) and it fails, it leaves some fiiles somewhere that makes even finding the right headers next time NOT work. oh well it's working now.
Now i just have to figure out why my machine crashes when xmame tries to run in DGA mode.