Sorry Corporal Dan, but these crappy optical mice have come a long way from when they first hit the market.
BTW guys, from reading recent reviews, the new Logitech MX series rock. One even compared it to his previous favorite mouse- the dual optical (which is what I use right now), and said it was even better, despite only having one LED and sensor combo on it vs. the DO's 2. It looks like I'm adding a new mouse to my next upgrade. The fact that it's got 8 buttons total is a plus, of course (though he says that all 8 can't be assigned in games at the moment).
A mouse is something I can actually afford to buy and take back if it doesn't meet my expectations, and I don't usually have to spend hours or days to decide whether I like it or whether it's working the way I like it to- ie. things like mouse lag or jumpiness in my games or on the desktop normally jump right out at me.