View Single Post
Old 09-20-04, 03:51 AM   #6
**** Holster
vampireuk's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: The armoury
Posts: 2,813
Send a message via AIM to vampireuk
Default Re: Rant on SMGs Tangentally Related to Video Games

Captain Tactics: After watching Full Metal Jacket 20 or 30 times, this fine young lad has learned everything there is to know about urban combat. Not only is he a military genius just waiting to be discovered and recruited by the Federal Bureau of Discovering and Recruiting Military Geniuses, but he is benevolent enough to share his foolproof battle plans with the rest of his team, and even inform all the other players whenever their strategies do not meet with his approval. Lucky them!
Signature move: Saying "rush right", charging off by himself into a hail of enemy gunfire, then repeatedly saying "u stupid lusers didnt rush w/me or id be alive. assholes"
Strategy: Take a shot at him with a pump shotgun from all the way across the map. You can easily dispatch him seconds later when he stops playing to type out a 500-word essay on why shotguns should not be used at long range.
Or perhaps

Gun Expert: Typically a 30-year-old male who grew up with guns, owned several guns in high school and graduated from the United States Institute of Guns. He has memorized the weight, muzzle velocity and warranty information for every gun that has been made since the early 1600s. Of course he believes that this extensive knowledge of firearms makes him a natural Counterstrike player, and any kills against him are a result of the game's glaring inaccuracies. So, basically he's a grown-up version of an annoying six-year-old kid who always plays cowboys & indians but argues whenever his friends say "Bang, you're dead."
Signature move: Messaging the person who just killed him and letting him know that the kill didn't really count because the muzzle flash from his AK-47 looked a lot more like the muzzle flash from an AR-10. Followed by huddling in front of his computer clutching a revolver, silently weeping.
Strategy: Declare that Counterstrike is the most realistic game of all time and there are absolutely no inconsistencies between the in-game guns and their real-life counterparts. The flash of uncontrollable anger the Gun Expert will feel should make his entire head explode, or at least enough of his head to seriously impair his motor functions. Either way, it's an easy victory for you!
I put children in microwaves.
vampireuk is offline   Reply With Quote