wow. i was just looking around for info about my 4th child (Alienware 7700m w/ GF Go 6800) and here i am. although everyone is so shocked, if you're not married and you don't have any moral problem w/ it, why not? i am lucky to have a very attractive wife who, after almost 5 yrs, still initiates sex more than i do. yes, thank you, i know; i'm dead serious. assuming your last post is a hoax (i can't imagine you told someone from nVidia the violation you perpetrated on one of their products).
i would think a little (very little) alcohol with a cloth would do the trick (paper would get stuck on the solder points). you really would want to make sure NO circuits are bridged and everything is dry when you power up. i spilled half a cup of water into an old Dell Inspiron 4000 a few years ago, and since I gave it several days to thoroughly dry, it was good as new.
abstinence is the key. i would recommend spending the time you do searching for digital hookers looking for an actual mate. Women like it as much or more as men, and if you are in that kind of relationship, she would probably help you out if you are really in a bind.
good luck, & don't be too embarrassed. i know how it is- i ended up with a son at 18, but PLEASE
don't ever do this again.